Everything. All at once. All the time.
Feeling exhausted at the end of the day, as if I were everywhere, yet nowhere all at the same time. I think I can do it all, yet even when I do, I feel an emptiness inside, feeling like it’s not enough. Constantly switching hats - parent, partner, boss - and living scatteredly in Time Confetti fragments of free time. Time that often gets filled with pesky tasks that aren’t nourishing, putting myself at the bottom of the priority list.
Does this resonate with how you are living at the moment? Whether you're a CEO, Entrepreneur or People Leader, you're not alone. Many of my clients feel exactly the same. In a recent research by Development Dimensions International’s Global Leadership - it’s found that nearly 60% of leaders reported feeling used up at the end of the workday, which is a strong indicator of burnout.
Why are so many leaders bordering on burnout? How did we get here?
Making sense of it
In this fast-paced modern day of living, our bodies send 11 million bits of data per second to our brains, yet the conscious mind seems to be able to process only 50 bits per second. This over-stimulation of our nervous system is putting us in a state of stress. Flooding our brain and bodies of cortisol and other chemicals that are hazardous to our health if sustained for a long period of time - as proven by countless medical research. Although this evolutionary mechanism has kept us alive in survival situations till today, it has its limitations in our work environment. We fall victim to perceived threats that trigger the same bodily response, where our nervous system becomes dysregulated.
The impact - State of separation, a coping mechanism
This dysregulation triggers us into a threat state where we feel the need to protect ourselves. We develop different involuntary coping mechanisms that dissociate us from our lived experience - separating and disconnecting us from our bodies, feelings, emotions, and even memories. This dissociation stops the flow of real time information that your body is trying to convey about a situation. We are filling our thoughts and creating stories of a reality tinted by past experiences. Narratives that are often filled with bias, judgments and are more destructive than constructive; not aligned with the impact that we actually want to have.
This comes at a cost. If unattended it can accumulate in the long run and build emotional armoring - where emotions and feelings remain trapped and imprinted in the body and nervous system. We end up losing our capacity to connect objectively to the information in the present, that can help us access all the qualities and capabilities we have, and can leverage in the given situation.
The impact of this constant state of separation goes beyond the health of our bodies and mental state - it’s also one of the main root causes of why we find ourselves in the degrading state the planet is today. Thinking that we are separate from our earth, without thinking of the impact of our individual actions on the planet's well being. Focusing on our differences, rather than our connection as sentient beings on this planet.
Yet we are not. The atoms within our bodies are composed of the same 4 ingredients that compose the universe - Hydrogen, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen. Laws of physics teach us that nothing is created, nothing is lost, everything transforms. We are essentially star dust, formed into living beings due to an environment that has helped us thrive. We are the universe, we are the earth, we are all connected living beings.
Our nervous system has been wired over time with a bias towards self-protection; we are wired to separate ourselves as a coping mechanism to survive. Yet for us to thrive in our lives on this finite planet as a collective, a new paradigm is taking shape, inviting us into reconnection, integration, and wholeness.
Thrive through connection
How do we rewire our nervous system and our brains to adjust to this new paradigm?
The key to thriving is by connecting to ourselves, our bodies, each other, nature and our environment.
This brings me to nervous system regulation and neuroplasticity!
Neuroplasticity is the beautiful and empowering capacity that allows humans to shape and create new neural pathways. Nervous system regulation exercises help build interoception, the capacity to feel our body’s inner sensation. Connecting you deeper into the present moment, giving you access to the muscle of presence. This allows you to access information in real time about what your body and feelings are trying to convey about a situation - and harness this information to your advantage.
Here are 4 simple steps to regulate your nervous system, rewire your brain and stay present, living in the now -
1.Pause & Breathe
When a situation triggers strong feelings, take a moment to pause and take a few deep breaths from your belly. This helps to calm, slow down and regulate your nervous system.
A simple technique to use is 4 fold breath - Breathe in for a count of four seconds, hold for a count of four seconds, breathe out slowly for four seconds, hold with no air for a count of four seconds, (which is tricky) and just do that for several cycles. You can do it for 3 seconds a piece if you are more comfortable with that. The breathing just has to be rhythmic, not too deep.
2. Acknowledge what you’re living right now
Connect to your body and your senses to find the words that best resonate with your current experience. You can ask yourself “How does my body feel right now?” The answer can be something like - “I feel tightness in my chest. My head is in a fog. This is suffering, This is sadness, I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, this is intense. I’m scattered all over the place. I’m hurt.”
Naming and acknowledging your sensation is an important part of the process as we often have a tendency to avoid whatever arises. Yet these sensations and emotions are natural human responses. Although some are stronger than others, these are messengers notifying you about a situation. Their main mission is to transmit the information. They are not always comfortable to hear, however they have the best intentions at heart.
3. Allow your feelings and sensations to arise
If the environment feels safe, you can use the information and share it with the person you're having a conversation with, some examples - ‘what you just mentioned really had an impact on me. I need a moment to process this information’ or ‘I want to have a constructive conversation with you and right now, I sense you're distracted by all the notifications you’re receiving. I would appreciate it if you could focus on this conversation for us to find a solution to our common goal”
Alternatively, you can simply acknowledge the sensation internally, park it for a moment and take the time to allow your feelings to emerge when you feel safer. Now when you do take the time to be with your emotions, it's important to allow yourself to be with that sensation with curiosity. You can even invite your emotion in - ‘’what information or wisdom would you like to share with me right now?’’
Focus on allowing yourself to feel. You don’t always have to do something about it. However if you do try to go in with the intention to change or fix it, your defenses will sky rocket and possibly create more tension within you. Being with your emotions will naturally allow space for a stream of information to emerge.
As Parker J. Palmer worthe in A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life “The soul is like a wild animal—tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.’’
4. Give yourself some love and compassion
What often helps my clients is reminding them of what a best friend or loved one would caringly and empathetically tell them in this moment. Give yourself the same compassion and TLC you would to a good friend approaching you with an uncomfortable emotion.
Take away
Practicing these 4 simple techniques isn’t always easy, when we’re working against what we have been taught our whole lives. However what is learned can also be unlearned - giving space to new possibilities.
We are not always able to be 100% present and connected all the time - but learning how to work with our nervous system, not against it, is the key to learning how to ride the waves of dysregulation / regulations and disconnection / connection.
Understanding tools to regulate your sympathetic (managing stress and emergencies) and parasympathetic (“rest and digest" state) system, creates balance and well-being. We so often lean to our sympathetic "fight or flight" response, leaving our mind and bodies overly active, tense and falling prey to burn out.
By starting to practice these 4 steps, you have the capacity to navigate your nervous system and learn from the wisdom it holds, without becoming a victim to it. Helping you make clearer and more intentional decisions in your work or in shaping your life. These steps can be done anywhere, at any time. And if you take away one nugget from this piece, remember - you have the power within to choose conscious creation.
